Ash’s Birth Story

Sometimes despite all the best preparation and good intentions of a natural birth our body and our baby can sometimes decide otherwise....and as much as that's hard and challenging it can also be an empowering experience. Here are the words of one mamma who's experience didn't go to plan. She speaks of what helped, what didn't, what she struggled with and where her strength came from.

With your first pregnancy how did you feel about labour and birth when you first realised you were now destined to go through it?
My first thought was that I'm going to experience pain like never before, it's not going to be like anything I've ever been through. I've broken bones and had stitches but this was going to be different. I had attended the births of my best friends two children and after watching her I knew that I wasn't going to break and my body could do this. I also knew I wanted it to be natural, I could see myself birthing in the tub of the house we were living at the time. I could picture the music, candles, my support people around me in my safe place. I knew it probably would not turn out like that mainly because we were moving house so straight away the tub was out but I knew I was in control of how I wanted my birthing experience to go.

What hopes and fears did you have about your ability to give birth? 
I probably like every other pregnant mumma hoped my birth would go to plan. I had planned to dance my way through the pain, I had practiced how I would stand in the shower, I had hoped that I would be able to birth my babe with no intervention. My biggest fear was that something would go wrong. I didn't want my daughter to get stuck or stress out while being born. She was breach till 36 weeks and I was scared she wouldn't turn. I felt that if I did have to birth my baby in a hospital that I had somehow failed.

Where do you feel these hopes and fears come from?
The fear came from the not knowing, being a first time mum I didn't know the process. At 36 weeks I had a check up at my local hospital to tick all the boxes for a home birth. The nurse set in a fear that I couldnt birth my baby as "Her shoulders or stomach could get stuck". My first thought was well that could happen to anyone it doesn't mean it will happen to me and a stomach is soft if the shoulders pass through surly a stomach would as well, right. The next thing she said was that because my partner is 6ft 6inch that my baby would be to big to birth naturally and she sent me for scans to check babies well being (the referral actually had on it as father is 6ft6). She made me feel like I was about to give birth to a toddler sized baby and to throw all my prep work and confidence on being able to birth my baby without intervention out the window. The scans eased my fear of having some 14lb baby as she was a normal 7lb and likely to only put on 1 more pound by my due date. The fear came from not knowing and that random nurse who shook my confidence. The hopes came from me wanting to prove to myself that I could do this. Also that I was in control of my body and my birthing experience no matter what anyone said.

What did you do with these hopes and fears as the due date of your baby grew closer?
to overcome my fears I asked questions to everyone, my midwife, friends, even facebook groups and I tried to stay away form doctor google because those answers were never gonna end well. My hopes were covered, I had my play list, what food and drink I wanted during labour, the pool had been delivered and space cleared and my support team were all on the same page. I had my confidence back thanks to the reassurance from the people I trusted. I was so confident and relaxed that everything would go to plan that I didn't even pack a hospital bag...

Can you describe any experience or intereraction with any one person or realisation within yourself during pregnancy and/or during your labour that was instrumental in shifting your hopes and fears about giving birth?
I was asked multiple times by different people if I was scared to give birth. My answer was always the same "no" I could never figure out why society put this natural fear towards child birth. I asked why I should be scared to give birth to my baby. It is the most natural experience a woman could go through, it was a privilege some women didn't get to experience, I didn't want to fear it. The question made me want to embrace everything about a natural birth even more.

How did your birth experience match up to what you hoped and what you feared?

At 38 weeks my hopes were thrown out the window and the fear that I had failed by giving birth in a hospital became a reality. I developed severe pre-eclampsia and was rushed to hospital to be induced. Three days, two epidurals and one stint in ICU later I finally had my daughter in my arms.

How long has it been since you birthed your babe and how do you feel about your birth now?

It's been 7 weeks since I gave birth to my girl and even though it didn't go to plan I don't feel like I failed. I know the best laid plans don't always go through and the best thing I could do was adapt to the situation, be open with my midwife so we knew what the plan was and to not be disappointed with myself for how it panned out. At the end of the day I birthed my baby unassisted and with my support people around me. I feel the hospital has a lot to answer for when it came to continuity of care and keeping the patient informed. My independent midwife was invaluable when it came to dealing with the hospital.

Describe how and if these feelings have changed since you first gave birth and what changed them. 
I was never scared or feared the actual birthing part. Even though it hurt I loved pushing my baby out. I could feel her move through the birth canal, feel myself stretching to birth her and I loved every second of it. The nurses running around trying to take blood and put drips in while I was pushing I could do without though. It helped that I could disconnect from what they were doing and just focus on what my baby and body were doing. Trusting your instincts, trusting your baby and surrendering to the experience is something I learnt for next time.

If there was one thing you would say to another first time mamma who was pregnant what would it be?
Find a good chiro, trust your instincts, stay in control of your birth and hire an independent midwife as she will be your life saver through the whole experience.

(Thanks Ash and Thanks Cat for your beautiful photo of this gorgeous woman.)